Changes

Things change.

If I look back 5 years ago, I was insecure and lost.

If I look back 4 years ago, I changed myself and I became happy with who I was.

If I look back 3 years ago, I was exploring what the high school world offered me. I was confident and looking forward to what the world had to offer me.

If I look back 2 years ago, I was the happiest I had ever been. My life was perfect in my eyes and I still live in those days.

If I look back 1 year ago, I was unhappy, but I was finding myself in the little things. Soon after, tragedy hit and I became lost.

When I look at my life now, I feel as though I am going on a downward spiral. I’m unhappy with what I look like, with who I am, and with whom I have in my life. I know that if someone asked me what part of my past I would want to go back and relive, it would be 2 years ago. I was happy and I was living a perfect life.

Things change, and right now all I want is to go back to what I had 2 years ago. I know I can’t do that, and I know everything won’t change overnight. I have to stay optimistic and work to how I want to be again. I know it will take time, and the only way I can do that is if I look towards the future. I have to make a change, it’s just finding what that change it going to be…

“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

-Revelation 21:4

You Asked For It

Answers

When it comes to life, we often don’t like surprises. We don’t like the unexpected, we don’t like change, and sometimes we don’t like the answers.

Over the last month or so I was accepted into my dream college. I knew the financial burden, I understood what came with the name. I needed some answers. I needed to know where to go. I had my plans so set in stone. Little did I know that those plans were only written in the dirt that was covering the stone that once held my entire life on it.

I had been asking the Lord to guide me. Where do I go? How do I pay for this? What should my career path consist of?

Although I may not have gotten all of my answers, I have one, and unfortunately it doesn’t lead to my dream school. A new school showed up out of nowhere, just kidding that’s a lie. GCU has been in play since the beginning of the year. There was always something about it that made it come back around, and oh boy is it around now. GCU may not have been my first choice, but it’s the place that God has lead me to.

There is still work to be done and I am slowly realizing that no matter what, God has a plan. Maybe there is someone at GCU who needs me. Maybe there is something I have to do there. Whatever it is I am ready to work with whatever God is going to throw me into. I am ready to change my plans to fulfill the plans that God has for me (and if you know me, you know I like to have control).

Overall, I trust the plans that God has for me, whatever that may be.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

Thankful

Be Thankful

Throughout the day I have been pondering what being thankful really is, and what we should be thankful for. I have come to the realization that you not only need to be thankful for the people you enjoy having in your life, or the people who are currently in your life. You need to be thankful for every single person God has placed in your life and that you have crossed paths with.

When you look at it, everyone has had an impact in your life. Some people have loved you unconditionally, others have hated you, and some went from loving you to not loving you at all. It doesn’t matter who the person is or under what circumstances they were in your life for, you need to be thankful for them.

I’m thankful for my family and my best friends because they have taught me patience and unconditional love. I’m thankful for ex-friends and all the other exes because  you taught me what it was like to have my heart torn out of my chest, but you also taught me that I can be strong even if I feel as though I am alone. I am thankful for the men and women that serve our country in the military, police forces, fire departments, hospitals, and so much more, you all sacrifice your time and your lives to simply help others. I am super thankful for the people who took care of my family through the fire, and I’m super super thankful for the men and women that saved my house and as much as they could inside of it. I am super thankful for the Christian community both The Crossing and Calvary Chapel has provided me. Without them it wouldn’t be as easy to grow as a believer.

The list goes on and on. The point is, no matter what your relationship, or circumstance, that you have with someone, it is important to be thankful for them because you have either relied on them, or learned from them.

The most important thing to be thankful for is God and Jesus Christ. Because of Him we are here and because without Jesus we wouldn’t be saved by the blood he shed for us. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind,

Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.

Psalm 107: 8-9

Don’t be that person

Don’t

Don’t be that person, Do be this person.

Recently I have been struggling with a lot in my life. I have been under a lot of stress and a lot of anxiety. My patience has always been low. I don’t deal with the pure ignorance of the human race very well, and frankly, that’s not good.

Today in church Pastor Derek was talking about the sermon on the mound. I mean this is totally something we should remember because it is our basis of our faith. I guess not. The part that stuck out to me the most was the part where murder came into play. I know murder sounds violent and extreme but it’s not. Obviously we shouldn’t murder but take a look into Matthew 5:21-22…

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.”

Pay close attention to verse 22. Anger doesn’t lead to murder, anger is murder. It’s in your heart and it gets inside of you. That is not the will of God. Matthew 5:23-25 talks about leaving your anger behind. You can’t be right with God if your heart is full of anger.

23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

25 “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26 Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.

No one is perfect. There will always be times when you get angry. But I’ve been learning to not dwell in the anger. Move on, talk it out, do what you need to do in order to free your heart from anger. A heart full of anger isn’t a heart after God.

 

*Btw here are some fun pictures from the weekend*

Struggles

The struggle is so real right now. I have been under a lot of stress lately. It’s been all piling up, and its getting me to realize some things.

Friendship. Friendship has been something I have been struggling with for the last 2-3 years. By senior year you typically have your knit group of friends. Well that’s not completely true. Maybe by the end of your senior year, that’s when you truly know who is there for you. Today I realized that I am in a lot of toxic friendships that are leading me to a mentally and emotionally bad path. I have been told for years that I’m “annoying” and “bossy” by the same person, and in reality, I’m really freaking over it. I have decided to step back from the friendships that have been polluting me, and my faith. I’m focusing on a few, tight friendships that I know will last the rest of my life, and those people already know who they are.

Faith. My walk with God has been on a rollercoaster. Last year when the whole house fire thing happened and my relationship with God spiked. Since then it’s been stronger than it was before but not strong enough. I realized that I need to take that step and be more focused and in tune with him. I have been blessed with multiple churches, and groups within those churches that have built me to be the Christian I am supposed to be. All in all, I know I’m not perfect and I know I have a lot of growing to do, but even the most spiritual person does.

While thinking about everything in my life, I have a few verses and song lyrics to share that have been coming to my mind lately, or that have stuck out to me in a song.

  1. “My sole devotion, My only focus, To worship You, My life surrendered, My heart abandoned, For more of You.” – Hillsong, Close
  2. “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place” – Ephesians 6:10-14
  3. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6

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*Here is a picture of my lovely small group and these amazing girls that I love so much.

Life Update

Oh my.

It’s been a long couple of months. Life has completely consumed me, but I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, or a bad thing, or both.

This blog post will be an overall summary of my life for the last couple of months and everything that has been going on.

Let’s start with school. Whoever said senior year was easy is a dirty dirty liar. Senior year has by far been the hardest school year I have yet to go through. I know that this will prepare me for college but holy cow it has been stressful. I have been consumed by student council and all of the drama that comes along with that. I have been so stressed over grades and academics (because senior year is the time to start right?) and making sure my grades are up to par. I have spent countless nights (maybe like 30) up all night to just finish homework. Student council is just one thing after another and I never really realised this until I became co-head of the decorations committee. All of my extra-curricular clubs seem to want a lot more from me and I’m not sure how I feel.

Now let’s get into my church life. I have been a small group leader for a little over a month now and it’s a lot harder than I expected. I wanted so bad to do this but when your group is tiny and doesn’t give you anything it gets a little pointless. I’m hoping we can get into the groove of things, but I also hope I’m just not a bad leader… Other than that, I haven’t found much satisfaction within my own personal small group. The Wednesday night services I attend have become repetitive and almost empty. I am getting almost nothing out of the services I attend, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

I have recently been attending Calvary Chapel Las Vegas (Spring Valley) and I can say I am overwhelmed with the presence of Christ within that congregation. They are such strong believers in Christ and God and it is truly amazing. It saddens me that a lot of people only have negative things to say about CCLV because they are truly amazing. I understand that they had some problems a few years ago, but things are better now. I am actually able to understand the Bible. Being able to understand everything strengthens your relationship with Christ. I am thankful for the body of believers I have been exposed to at CCLV.

As I am almost a quarter way through my senior year, I am preparing for college. I’m still hoping for Biola because even though I have heard some things about them, I still believe it is the best place for me. I am excited to embark on my new journey. I am getting ready to close the chapter of my life that is childhood and embark on the new chapter that is Young Adulthood. I know I can’t leave my childhood Chapter unwritten, I just wish it could go by a little faster. I am so excited to meet all new people and join another body of believers. I have already been researching Calvary Chapels around there and I’m getting ready to make my move.

Overall, these last couple of months have been eventful. I’m stepping out of everything I have been used to, and I will soon be closing this chapter of my life.

8 more months to go…

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” – James 4:14-15

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Pre-Senior Year

Senior Year.

It is right around the corner and I know that soon enough it will be all over. No matter how much I can’t wait to graduate and walk across that stage, it scares me.

This is going to be one of the hardest years of my high school career. I have about two solid friends and one of them I don’t see half of the time. I’m deathly afraid of spending my senior year alone. I know I have people to hang out with but I don’t have many to confid to, that I know will always be by my side and it’s scary.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right

-Isaiah 41:10

Academically, I’m just hoping I can get through it all. I have nine classes in total (yes, I’m aware I’m crazy). I also have many clubs and outside activities to balance, as well as a job. I know I will be able to handle it all, but it’s just scary seeing everything I have on my plate.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

-Matthew 6:33-34

But senior year isn’t all negative. I have great people in my life that I know will be there with my through it all. I have a gorgeous, beautiful, perfect college waiting for me (hopefully). I have my faith and God with me. I will make memories that will last a lifetime this year and not focus on all of the negative things. I will do great things for the Kingdom of God, and I know that he will provide through it.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

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